Why do women tend to break each other down instead of building up?

We have all been there…starting very early on in childhood we all have encountered the nasty girl in your class,  the bitchy girl at varsity or the gossip queen at work. Why do women tend to put each other down in front of other rather than building them up?

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There seems to be a belief that if someone else is different to us they are either better than us or worse than us. We are after all raised in a hierarchical society. Hierarchy is everywhere in Church, Business, Family, and Schools, so why wouldn’t it overflow into our relationships with each other. The truth is it is actually ok to be different and in a strange way it is our differences that unite us. We need to learn to accept each other’s differences. Our uniqueness is what makes us beautiful.


In some women, there is a fiery competitive spirit. They always have to be better, faster, prettier or richer. They fight over job positions, and men. One is always trying to outdo the other, obviously causing friction.


We all want what we cannot have. We are never content with life. If we are fat we want to be skinny. If we are too skinny we want to be muscular. If we have short hair we want it long. We want those expensive shoes we cannot afford but that our neighbour can. We covet what others have always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. We become jealous of others who have what we can’t have.



What is it about being a woman that tends to bring out the worst in us when it comes to other woman? I think it that all of us are coherently self-centred. We have to give a lot of ourselves. Being a wife, mother or business woman takes up all our time and energy. We feel entitled to be a bit selfish now and then. We become prideful of our own achievements.

Critics Judgement, gossip

The misogynist behaviour of women towards each other shows the deep dark side of our inner core. It makes us feel better to put someone else down. We build up our own egos, by breaking down the misperceived entitlement of someone else’s ego. We gossip so that we can increase our ego more by getting a merry band of followers to agree with us.

Cyber bullying

There is a plethora of attrition against each other on all forms of social media. It is easy to attack someone on the internet. People become bolder and feel in control. They can say things they wouldn’t normally say to a person’s face behind the safety of a computer screen.



Clicks are groups of women of similar interest sticking together. Women fear being disliked or being alone so they naturally are drawn to those similar to themselves. Stay at home moms join together, always judging moms who work. Moms who work, gossip together always looking down on moms at home. Both are just jealous of each other because it mirrors what they lack in themselves.

We all just need to take a good hard look at ourselves. Take the plank out of our own eye before we take the speck out of our sister’s eye. We need to accept ourselves and love ourselves. We need to learn contentment, being happy no matter who we are or what situation we are in. We need to build each other up, encourage one another, and help one another. We need to just BE KIND!

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