Whether you’re divorced, never married or simply a mommy who’s doing it alone; raising a kid bt yourself is no picnic. I read some testimonials about single mommies and the compassion, dedication and hours it takes to raise a little human being. It’s immense, and the only word that immediately came to mind in my vocabulary was: “Respect”
There’s a slogan that goes “Motherhood is the proverbial hardest job you’ll ever love” so it might get a little harder when you have to do it by yourself” It’s the hard questions these women have to answer when a soft little voice asks “Why?” “Who?” and things like “Did Daddy stop loving you?” Jessica Ashley, writer for huffingtonpost.com says that she trusts herself to come up with the right answers even though sometimes she doesn’t have them right then and there.
It’s not a simple swift journey without tears but it’s a journey none the less and the one thing that all of these women agree on is that they’re never sorry but only grateful.
Proving something – even though you don’t have to
Chrstene Coppa, a five year veteran of the single mommy gig (as she likes to be known) says that even though she had that instinct of trying to do everything herself, just to show everyone she could, it was not realistic or rational. Even couples have issues so why should be less fortunate in receiving some slack. No one is a SUPER mom and imperfections are beautiful. She says that she never feels bad to ask for help.
No one has to “get” it
There is this terrible notion that women who have children out of wedlock should be frowned upon. More so, single mommies have expressed the fact that they feel judged by people. Ashley says that even though she knew people meant well the fact that they were budding in too often started to annoy her. Emails and messages from friends starting off something like “Well if I were a single mom I would…” especially when you run into a fellow soccer mom in the grocery store. There will never ever be fair grounds for one human being to judge another when it comes to their life choices especially if a child is involved. Even more so a child raised in a loving home! How that little human came to be is irrelevant the point is he or she is there now and all one can ask for is that they are happy, content, satisfied and loved – isn’t that all the really matters in the end?
Jessica Ashley says that you don’t have to listen to the advice if you don’t want to and as far as criticism is concerned, those ladies might not have an idea of what it really takes to be a mom let alone a single one at that.
Ariane Sherine of the Guardian wrote a beautiful piece on what motherhood meant to her but in saying that she also honestly admitted that “It is hard for all mothers, even those who desperately wanted children, but especially hard for single mothers on low incomes. We can’t afford childcare, can’t take a sick day, can’t take a rest unless our child falls asleep. There is no one to share the enchanting moments and tantrums with, no one to read a book to our child while we have a bath, no one to reassure us that we’re doing just fine.”
Ariane Sherine’s truth to it all:
It is relentless, worrying, emotionally-draining work. It is like a grey day with intermittent bursts of sunshine, and these occasional breaks in the cloud are what we mothers try to focus on.
Jessica Ashley’s truth to it all:
Under the rubble, there are seeds of something wilder and more beautiful than the seemingly solid mountain would ever let you dream.
The one thing that all the mommies were unanimous about was the fact that talking about an absent parent never got easy. There are good days and hard days, easy questions where you might have the answers and questions where only time allwos you to formulate a proper one. One thing is certain; single moms deserve our respect an not our judgement, our help and not our critisism and our admeration, not our frowns.