Standing in Your Own Way When Finding Love

We could blame the movies for portraying this kisses in the rain, making war and then making love, sleeping on his arms, chest and just about anywhere your head can lay kind of love.

We could blame the slow cuddling baby making jams or we could just right upfront blame ourselves. Yes, for being gullible enough to believe what media has sold us for all these years. Love is beautiful I am not disputing that but it is not all hunky-dory. The ups are just about there with the downs.

At some point in our lives we envisioned how our happily-ever-after would be like and all this is based on the love scenes that we were bombarded with from a tender age. I’ve sat and listened to various young women painting a picture of their dream hubby –it is all a fantasy really. I want him to be this but not too much –I also want him to be that but not that much, maybe we don’t know what we want, because honestly it could be staring us on the face and we would still push it aside.

finding-love

 

It starts with you

 

Be the change you want to see in others –we have heard this a hundred times if not a thousand, as cliché as it might be there is a lot of truth to this. I heard a passing comment from a female companion of mine saying “when you are young you need to date a lot because your 20s is the time for self discovery.” I fully agree to some extend –it is the dating a lot to find yourself that doesn’t sit well with me. I would think being in a relationship is about knowing the other person and deciding whether they complement you in most ways or not, so how are we suppose to find ourselves if we are busy trying to figure out these gorgeous men promising us the world?

I feel we need to fully love ourselves first before we can declare love for the next person especially if we are aiming for the relationship to last longer. One thing that compromises our chances of finding true love is the constant tendency to compare. Obviously we need to grow as people and this can be achieved only if we know more about things concerning the subject at hand but what tears everything apart is wanting our spouses to do what our friends’ spouses do for them. The focus is no longer on the two of you but also on other couples, and this result in dropping the ball and never being fulfilled.

 

Expectations we create is one of the other things standing in the way of keeping a relationship. Understandably so, we need to communicate what we would like the direction of the relationship to take, but it should really end there –it shouldn’t be a dictatorship kind of thing. No one is going to complete you so start with dropping that from your list –no one is going to make you happy 24/7 even our very own creations frustrate us at times, scratch that out too. Don’t assume –the only way to make things work is by communicating what we can and can’t do.

 

Reality check

There is no such thing as love doesn’t hurt –it does but it has the ability to heal itself. You will be wronged and disappointed because that is how we grow as people, through uncomfortable circumstances. There is no perfect man waiting for you, what I am trying to say is that you will not find a 10/10 man –some things will have to give in. Most importantly don’t bring the baggage from the previous relationship to your current one. Relationships are a lot of hard work and fun unforgettable moments –enjoy those as much as you can.

 

 

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