Recognising One Sided Friendship

Recognising a one sided friendship is sometimes something that crawls into your thoughts after numerous small disappointments, unanswered calls, or zero effort from your friend.

Don’t get me wrong, NOBODY as in NOBODY is perfect, and sometimes dates get cancelled, you really can not help out or do a favour on a certain day and sometimes yes, life gets too busy so you forget to phone back immediately etc. So when do you stop and realise that you are in a One Sided Friendship and not just friends with a busy person?

Personally my realisation came one day when I realised that I was friends with someone who was friendly, called, phoned or helped out only when it suited them, or when they wanted something from me.

This started to make me feel disappointed and also a little taken advantage of. Little did I know, this was my own fault for allowing myself to think that what I was willing to give in terms of my friendship was exactly what I would be getting back in return, which can have you ending up being very disappointed as you are looking for true friendship from the wrong people.

Once I got to the point of realising who is playing what role in my life, my entire outlook changed.

There are 3 basic types of people that you will interact with during your lifetime

The first group is confidants.  You’ll have very few of them.  Confidants are those people in your life that love you unconditionally.  They are into you.  Whether you are up or down, right or wrong, they are into you.  They are in it for the long haul.  You get in trouble; they’ll get in trouble with you.  They’ll come see you in the jail house.  You can open up and share anything with them.

The confidants are the few people in your life that are for you.  They are with you.  They are intimately intertwined in your life.  They are there to make sure you reach your destiny.  They will confront you.  They will get in your face.  They will get in your business.  They will tell you when you are wrong.  They are your confidant.  If you have 2 or 3 of them in a lifetime, you are a blessed person.

Constituents – they are not into you.  They are into what you are for.  They are for what you are for.  They are your constituents.  As long as you are for what they are for, they will walk with you, work with you and labor with you – but never think they are for you.  You have to know that because if they meet someone else that will further their agenda, they will leave you and hook up with them because they were never for you.    Throughout your life, particularly if you are broken, you will mistake your constituents for your confidants. You’ll think they are for you when they are simply for what you are for and by the time you get through falling in love with them they will break your heart as they hook up with someone else.  Be sure to know that it was never about you, it was about the causes you represent.  They are for what you are for, but they are not for you.

Comrades– These people are not for you, nor are they for what you are for – they are against what you are against.  The comrades will make strange bedfellows. This will cause people to come together who are not for you, not for what you are for, but they are against what you are against.  They will team up with you to help fight a greater enemy – but don’t be confused by their association.  They will only be with you until the victory is accomplished.  These people are like scaffoldings.   They come into your life to fulfil a purpose, but when the purpose is completed, the scaffolding is removed.  Don’t be upset when the scaffolding is removed because the building always remains.

What this meant for me is to expect the constituents and comrades to leave you and desert you after a while.  Don’t be upset when they don’t react to your dreams the way you expected them to because they were never really for you in the first place.

Be careful then who you tell your dream to because if you tell your dream to your constituents they will desert you and try to fulfil the dream without you.  If you tell it to your comrades, they won’t support you because they were never for what you were for anyway.  If you find a few people in your entire life with whom you can share your dreams with, you are a blessed somebody.  I can tell you how to identify who are really for you.  If they are really for you, they will weep when you weep and they will rejoice when you rejoice.  When you walk in the room and you tell someone good news, stop being happy for a minute and watch their reaction.  If they are not happy for you, shut your mouth and walk back out of the door.  When they are really connected to you, they will be happy when you share your dream.

Take the time to evaluate who is in your life and what role they are playing. Be sure to make the necessary changes to not only protect yourself but also stop you from being utterly disappointed when what you give to people does not get returned.


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