Manipulative Relationships

Manipulation! What a fine line! Everybody does it at least once in their life, whether it’s sweet talking yourself out of a speeding ticket or getting a college to hook you up with some front row seats to the next big concert. The world works by through sheer manipulation.

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Don’t believe me? Well think about the ads you see, the products you buy, we’re manipulated into buying that specific mascara, designer clothes or shoes – ask yourself do you really need those stuff. When you open yourself up for manipulation you are colluding with the brands desire to control your feelings motives and even your thoughts. “You have to buy this because…” or “You won’t feel fulfilled unless you…”

So when manipulation makes its debut in relationships, be it in your work environment, friendship, or a romantic affair it can drain the life from you and steal your sunshine! It’s a one sided act, deceptive, exploitive and unfair.

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Signs that you’re being manipulated:

  • You feel useful and loved only when you can take care of the person’s needs and wants and the gesture is not always returned.
  • You’re too afraid to express your emotions because they might cause a reaction that will make you lose your job, friendship or have your partner break up with you.
  • You can’t say no.
  • You might feel like your falling short of your friend expectations, maybe you did something amazing and your partner did not even give you the slightest recognition for it just a “meh, whatever”
  • You might feel a bit of confusion as to where you stand
  • You often feel like you’re walking on egg shells!

Influence and Manipulation

Sometimes these two word can create confusion amongst one another but they are NOT the same thing. Influence recognises the rights and boundaries of others people (like a big brother type figure) it is based on honest communication whereas Manipulation is a selfish act. Think back to the time you tried to talk yourself out of that ticket! Did you really have the police officer’s interest at heart? Of course not; you just didn’t want to have to pay a fine.

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What to do, what to do?

Life esteem.com says that one should not try to out manipulate a manipulator. Firstly you have to stand up to your manipulator. Practice saying: “No”

It can be hard especially if the person tends to give your self-esteem a go. It’s important to change your thinking. If you decide to ignore your manipulators requests and don’t act on their actions, in other word not co-operating then this will mean more work for them to controll the realtionship. Thye’ll usually give up by either leving the realtioship or finding someone else to controll.

Assess the worth of the relationship. If it ends up doing more harm then good then you should maybe consider that the whole relationship is not good for you.

Psychology Today said that some poele feel it can make a difference to tell the manipulator hoe you feel whilst other say it made no difference.

It’s imporatint to know that once you’re put in a manipulative situation it’s never for your benefit. No one deserves to be treated that way – altough we as people sometimes allow it. Take contoll of your life: you know that you “know” better – now the important thing to do is act upon it.

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