If you have a good hard look at your relationships, you will see the pattern of your choices. Understanding the reasons why you make certain choices can help you to move forward instead of continuing to go in circles, repeating the same mistakes.
Deepak Chopra says we may be attracted to another person as a mirror of ourselves. We attract what we are deep down inside so it is best to focus on being a better you and your relationships will improve too.
“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.”
― Deepak Chopra
Firstly you need to forgive yourself, we are not perfect and mistakes are a part of like and help us to grow. Understand that relationships are hard and take work on both sides so it is ok and normal to have a few issues. Forgive yourself for making the wrong choices. Forgive yourself so that you can leave the past behind and let go of the old to grab hold of the new.
“Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”
― Deepak Chopra
Pinpoint the problem. Ask yourself the hard questions. Are you just getting into a relationship because you don’t want to be alone? Are you settling for second best for the same reason? Do you not feel that you deserve anything better? Are you holding back afraid of commitment? Once you have pinpointed the problem you can start making the changes needed to break the pattern and start making better choices. A pattern can be nagging, clinginess, looking only at the superficial things, a short temper, and impatience, being negative or sarcastic, being too busy or too lazy.
Look for warning signs, there are always clues but they are mostly instinctive and we need to learn to trust our instincts. If your partner is too busy for you now, that will not change if you get married. If he speaks to you badly, that too will not change. You always know what you are getting into but most of us ignore the red flags.
Know how you feel, can you see yourself long term with this person. Know what you want from a relationship and as long as it is realistic stick to those standards and do not settle for anything less. Focus on how you make each other feel. If the relationship lacks peace in the beginning then it’s probably not one worth pursuing.
Look for emotional and physical connection. Relationships are not just about sex, most of it is companionship and friendship. Look at their goals in life, Values and Personality and see if it is one that could match or compliment your own. Be prepared to put in some effort and hard work.
Move Forward. Do not be afraid of trying something new and risking in love. Do not be afraid to change. Do not hide away from the world or from relationships. Don’t let the hurts of the past define you. You define you!
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”
― Deepak Chopra