Whether you’re hesitant about the whole situation or simply cautious, planning to rekindle old relationships usually involves us all treading lightly. We don’t want to wake up sleeping lions so we tiptoe around the idea. Which bares the question, should you get back together in the first place?
Ask yourself a series of questions, it’s never great when we make mistakes and it’s even worse if or when we repeat those same mistakes! So evaluate the situation – like I said we don’t want to wake up the lion from its fabulous slumber.
- Why did you break up in the first place?
This should be the first thing you ask yourself. It can either go two ways: positive or negative.
Positive is it might have been in the heat of the moment, everyone was stressed and on thin ice. If I had to sum up the perfect “in the heat of the moment breakup” it would be Ali and Noah from the Notebook. They fight with passion – break up and then make up and it all goes down like a big explosion. Once the dust settles it’s like the air is clean enough to breathe again.
Negatives are the dreaded irreconcilable differences. Chances are you can’t be compatible with each other if you broke up over things you could not and will never agree on. Things like morals or believes are usually big issues. If he pressured you, abused you then it’s obviously a huge NO!
Leopards aren’t fond of changing their spots – not unless you tie them up and dunk them in a bucket of paint. Best move on to bigger and better things.
- Why now?
Something must have changed for you to want to get back together. You might not even realise it but it could be because you’re lonely. The big bad world of singleness has taken its toll and you feel you like you need some comfort. If this should be the case – run, run as fast as you can.
Go out and meet new people, you should at least give single life a chance; it’s not as scary as you think. In case socialising does not help and you still miss him then maybe you’re on to something but if you only miss him when you’re alone – abort mission.
- Will it really benefit you?
You (both of you) must have ended it for a reason right? Think back to the relationship. Did he really challenge you or make you want to be better? There’s nothing more inspiring than a couple who feeds off of each other energy and pushes one another to be better.
I love this phrase from the movie This Means War Don’t choose the better guy, choose the guy that’s gonna make you the better girl”
- Who ended it?
If he ended the relationship it’s obviously (most of the time) a lot harder on you that it is on him. If he let you go and it was a long time coming, best let bygones be bygones. You don’t have to stop loving him right away. Eat as much chocolate as need be and watch Titanic about a gazillion times! The right guy won’t let a gem fall through his fingers.
- Jealousy
We’re all familiar with the notion of “We’ll always want the one thing we can’t have the most”. Thinking back, you might have felt relieved when the relationship came to an end but the moment his relationship status changed you were like a dog with a bone! Now you’re in that state where you wish you had him back, it’s an awful place to be in and ladies allow me to let you in on a little secret, that right there is called jealousy. You don’t really want him back you’re just bitter because you’re not alone with someone else anymore.
- The outside world and closure.
Getting back into routine can be tricky and memories are notoriously unreliable. Don’t think you can spark up the old volcanoes again if you see a really great picture of the two of you sipping cocktails while the sun is setting.
Sometimes we put more emphasis on the good things that happened and forget about all the bad stuff (we don’t keep those pictures, do we?) If you discover his old sweater tucked away somewhere and you miss him don’t immediately phone him up and demand to get back together. It’s familiar that’s all it is. As humans we crave familiarity. Get back into something else and create new memories!