Too Young To Get Married?

Pearl Buck once wrote: “A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love”

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With friends’ facebook relationship statuses quickly changing to “…got engaged”, nerves set in and you feel like you’re getting left behind on the gravy train (or at least I know I do). Don’t get me wrong I’m extremely excited for my friends but for about two days I feel a little… what would be the right word? “Doe-eyed!” like Bambi wandering the woods waiting for his mother. So what is the right age to go all in and when should one be worried when you haven’t taken that giant leap yet? Is it really that necessary to start biting your fingernails when he hasn’t proposed and 30 is on the horizon?

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After Susan A. Patton, an executive coach and human resource consultant wrote a letter printed by the Daily Princetonian, Women’s Health magazine did not hesitate to shed some light on their views about Patton’s letter. The piece talked about students who should be taking advantage of their undergraduate years to find a husband. She goes on to say: “Here’s what nobody is telling you, find a husband on campus before you graduate…”

After the letter got picked up by the media the site of the Daily Princetonian crashed, most probably because of all the controversial advice and comments linked to the piece Patton wrote – it was clear what women thought about the letter.

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Cosmopolitan suggests the best odds for a perfect marital relationship is to wait until your 25 to get hitched, there is a better chance that your marriage will be happy and stable because you’re a bit more self-assured and in good stable place professionally. In all relationships there are always two biggies that play a huge role: education and money. Turns out the more years of higher education a woman has under her belt on her wedding day, the lower the couples’ chance of a divorce.

Terri Orbuch, PhD and author of “Five simple steps to take your marriage from good to great” says: “Educated women tend to be more confident about who they are and less willing to settle for a man who doesn’t meet their needs.”  There’s no reason to rush into a marriage to seek financial security from him. By 25 you’ll most probably (hopefully) be supporting yourself, there might not be so many money issues – which is the main things couples fight about. Orbuch also goes on to say that you as a woman have probably dated enough to know what you want from a guy, what you can live with and what you can do without. “While you don’t want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on life.”

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Most sites say the later the better and here’s why:

Statistically there’s a smaller divorce rate:

Since 1980 divorce rates have declined! At least 60% of these statistics are due to the fact that women chose to say “I do” later rather than sooner (this was according to a study in 2011 done by the Social Science Research Network). “The longer you wait to get married, the more educated you’ll be and be in a better place financially, which will translate to more stability when you get married,” says Brad Wilcox, PhD, director of The National Marriage Project at The University of Virginia.

You’ll have a career:

A study done on brides written up in the New York Times’ “Vows” column stated that half the women who get married quit their careers. If you were to wait a while and settle in your career you won’t have to solely depend on your husband for an income. If you give yourself some time to reach the gaols you’ve set for yourself you can commit to them and do the job 100% where as if you were to juggle two things at once some of the balls might drop.

You’re not running out of time!!

For some reason women start to freak out the moment a handful of their friends get engaged, getting the crazy notion that they’ll never find “The one”. Calmly collect yourself eat some cake and do what you do to get to your happy place. Today there are more ways than ever to find someone; one of Patton’s biggest arguments is that college is the only place you’ll find a husband (needless to say I happily disagree). The world no longer works in an old fashioned manner, one of my best friends met her husband online (not in a creepy kind of way) and they’re still hopelessly in love with each other.

It’s important to know what you as a woman want out of life. We all mature differently, we all want different forms of success professionally and we all settle down and compromise in different ways, why should age be any different? Just because someone decides that 23 is the right time for them doesn’t necessarily make it the ideal age for you, keep in mind that needs and priorities are different.

I think it’s important to find the right balance before committing to something as life long as a marriage, don’t rush, be sure and make sure you’re prepared, either than that I don’t think there really is a perfect age to say “I do”. However, that said, timing is everything not so much age itself .

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