Let’s get down and with it … on the teething stage of new found marital relationship! Ah, there is no treasure map to this chapter or manual – newly married and yet an amateur on this island …
We are now faced with challenges that we did not even know existed and as such get to know our better half. Did we actually know this person, was there some sort of misrepresentation!
Expose – an illusion of a fairy-tale wedding and now have to endure a complete different form of reality – moving in, conforming and accepting each other’s habits …
Whether it is sharing a flat in the back of our in-laws property to save costs. We both combine our income which only covers rental and now have to conform to a tight budget, to procure an affordable property. Economising and getting budget wise with the joint income, the future list consists of necessity, and luxuries have to wait until you are financially savvy.
You both occupy each other’s space, you note that he does not portray a neat freak quite the opposite to what you are accustom to – forced to clean up the kitchen, picking up his washing, making sure the toilet is flushed – you did not sign up to be his domestic help!
In this harsh realisation you are completely and totally opposites. The norm in your hum drum life would be to get shut eye at 9 pm so that you are refreshed and embark on a hard day’s work at the office, he sits and watches TV until 12 midnight, you wake up “uber” early in the morning, he could not be bothered as he only starts at 10 am. He portrays a nature of jealousy and possessiveness over you (you get anxiety attacks due to his behaviour and feel caged). You feel smothered, you have different hobbies – you do not really get to know his friends or family and vice versa sum are barbaric others over qualified and too well groom with their stiff upper lip – you argue – over the top on exaggerated topics – where did you hide the Cremora, it’s not inside, it’s on Top!
You don’t renegotiate your needs, you are soo selfish because you were used to single tin ship, and you keep secrets from each other after all you are supposed to be best mates? Where is the love, in that you both avoid conflict, issues are unresolved between the two of you – then make up sex – what spurred all of this on?
Your communication skills have left the building – you feel illiterate in your lack of communication skills – everything that is blurted out escalates into an argument.
Maybe both your expectations in this marriage are colour coated with a dreamlike state of reality – do you just shrug and make it work or – end it in divorce (which seems to be the next step in this relationship). No one said this hard work would be a breeze in the park!
How’s about having a laugh and watching Newlyweds: The First Year, an American reality documentary television series following the reality of newlyweds in this age and era. The joys of the first year marital bliss!
“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” -Fawn Weaver