Submissive or Abuse

Romantic relationships are the most talked about topics amongst both the younger and the older generation. A lot of people are all in search of the “recipe” to keep their relationships going and fun and somehow a fair share of us are failing to get it right. Maybe it’s because Love is not a one size fits all kind of thing. There are a number of things that play a role in sustaining a relationship and the most controversial is the issue of women being or not being submissive.

After conversing about the issue with a circle of my friends I found out they associate submissiveness to abuse; this being both men and women in their youth. All but two defined submissive women as obedient, living to please their partners, adhering to rules and expectations set by men, they cook and clean and are objectified. Their expressed views indicated that being submissive does not help bring growth to any relationship and is a one sided type of relationship where men are the kings and treated so while women are slaves.


What is submissiveness?

This term is explained as being inclined to take authority without question and shying away from expressing one’s feelings. Submissive women are usually religious and deeply cultured and this for them is not much of an effort; it is what they have seen being done by their parents and has become part of their lives. This can be simply put as a woman never seeming to lead a man or being an equal in any way.

When you ask a woman to describe a typical dream husband, usually she will say, she wants him to be taller, darker, earn more than she does, basically a man who will be better than herself. He would open doors for you –tell the whole world that you are his girl –pull the seat for you –order drinks and food for you and pay the bill. These, in the eyes of a woman, are characteristics of a real man who takes charge.

Women are flattered by being lead by their men and this can mostly be achieved when a woman lowers herself to a man. I’m quite sure we all know of the series of novels that took over the whole world and eventually was made a movie of, 50 Shades of Grey by E L James, actually a lot of us were taken by it. The novel focuses a lot on bondage and outlines a man’s tendency to be “dominant” over a woman. The love of these novels, if nothing else, exposes secret desires people have that were spoken off openly in those books.


So what are we saying? Is submissiveness an act of abuse towards women or not? If women find it sexy for men to be dominant over them and men find it sexy for women to consciously be submissive towards them can we still call it abuse? Times have changed and not being ignorant to the fact that there is a thin line between the two, people are pretty much fond of the practice, it is the word that sends shivers to the spines of many and the stigma towards it doesn’t help either.

Submissiveness has proven to be a big issue and to be for it would mean you are automatically promoting abuse. We know of the treatment our grandparents had to endure in the hands of being submissive and a good wife to their husbands. They had long relationships and were only parted by death, and why is that? Because a woman never opposed her man’s authority thus no arguments or fights. Women had to look good and do every “womanly” duty with perfection no matter how bad and scarred they felt inside. They had to abide by the rules and do what is expected of them. And you wonder why people are disgusted by even the mention of the word, even when submissiveness is not carried like back in the days, why would they not, after all it would mean they are incapable, oppressed and have no sense of independence.


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