Being on a so-called roller coaster toxic relationship, thinking that the experience is heavenly bliss and just decided to ignore the signs and things leading to the turmoil in my life.
In the end the signs we eventually heed to wake us up, although quite clear, we suffer brief amnesia and Ping! What is this? Is this my reality?
You tell yourself that the relationship is healthy, you have someone to share your life with but you cannot deny the reality in which this toxic relationship affects your entire being. This person makes you feel inadequate, guilty, and you both are just in it for some superfluous reason – whether consciously or subconsciously. Whether it is the comfort of sharing financial expenses, having a so-called companion, fear of being alone, the now however paints a guilty picture in part of us to somehow take pity on our better other half.
You have mixed emotions and idea of the love directed towards this person however, the feelings you have towards him is not one of uplifting but one which breaks you down, is emotionally draining and financially crippling.
I met my ex-partner, he was very vibrant, funny and loving at the time. He was a real social limelight and we clicked like a house on fire, instantaneously we laughed and were happy for a brief moment. Then the reality check! I did not know that he was unemployed and had been so for a while. The truth was eventually exposed, I however pondered blindly into the relationship as he had moved in within a blink of an eye. I ended up supporting him financially and he sort solace in alcohol as he had lost the will to progress further in his career due to all the excuses he had created for himself.
I initially felt trapped! I did not know how to deal with this situation, he was tainted with the blame game effect of feeling sorry for himself. Such a Dr Jekyll to start with and ended as Mr Hyde. I had to be cruel to be kind. He would not change and I was his last life line in life – according to him! I had to escape and move on … how?
I eventually moved out – like a thief in the night – he did not know my whereabouts. I avoided all contact whatsoever. I had to mentally and physically abstain from him and restrict my memory to all the bad things about the relationship in order to move forward – a bit harsh in my mind but this would help me in the long run.
I embarked upon new hobbies, met knew people and did constructive things to take my sights off the past.
Time heals … I met someone new and “healthy” but on my terms and felt an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. Financially I could get by better as I did not have to support another person. My financial status changed for the better and I can now move on in the comfort of my new found independence.
“You can break down a woman temporarily but a REAL WOMAN will always pick up the pieces, rebuild herself and come back stronger than ever. Anonymous