How to deal with your partners ex

Dealing with your partners ex can be very tricky, uncomfortable, filled with many awkward moments, difficult and frustrating You can’t fix it, remember it was broken before you pitched so let your partner deal with their ex where possible. Try to keep out of the drama between your partner and his or her ex. Encourage your partner to lay down some ground rules, set some boundaries.

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Communicate your struggles with your partner but allow them to do the work. It always gets more complicated with a third party involved.

A disgruntled ex wife or husband can be a challenge, phoning at inappropriate or popping in at inconvenient times. If you find yourself the subject of the ex’s wrath don’t respond with a venomous retort. Don’t respond to verbal attacks and immaturity, usually people do that for a reaction and if you don’t given them one they will eventually go away and realise you will not play at their foolish games. Don’t resort to name calling or belittling.

If there are children involved, the ex will be a part of your lives for a long time so it is best to work things out amicably. Do not let the children pay the price for the mess that has been created. Never use the children as leverage in a war with an ex. If you are the step-mom or step-dad, do not interfere with the parenting. Be supportive but remember you are not the parent and know your place in the trio. Sit down with your ex and make plan that sets aside any differences you may have and focus on needs of your children. At any mutual family events, school concerts or birthdays be civil and courteous to each other, it takes nothing to look someone in the eye and say hello.

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Many arguments are about money; maintenance is the high price of divorce and can cost you but you knew this before going into the marriage. As hard as it is, it is just one area you are going to have to accept. You don’t have to be a door mat, accepting their terms, you can stand up for yourself too.

Tread the world of social networks carefully. Try not bad mouthing your ex or your partners ex all over the internet. You are bound to have some mutual friends on facebook or twitter and this could get back to them and only heighten the drama. Be careful what pictures you post that could give them ammunition for an attack.

Don’t hold onto the past, learn to let go of past experiences or past hurts. Don’t bring your old drama into your new relationship. Don’t focus on the bad, but focus on the good. Focus on your exciting new future ahead. Focus on each other and on your relationship. Do not allow outside forces to have access to destroy your relationship. You have the control to make it what you want. Enjoy your life and don’t sweat the small stuff.

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