Years in a relationship has a lot of shared sentiments that can only be understood by the couple. Your spouse has taken part in your development and witnessed your growing from a girlfriend to a wife.
Both of you have, over the years built a strong bond that even if anyone tried wouldn’t succeed in filling the slightest gap. Being emotionally attached to someone creates a connection that is beyond human control and results in us being part of them and them being a part of us.
After spending what can seem like a lifetime with someone you love, it is reasonably normal that you feel lost when they pass. It is an experience we don’t want to ever come across but many have and are dealing with grief of losing their significant others. But for the sake of our sanity and functionality we have to, no matter how hard it will be, face the situation.
What to expect
When you experience death of a loved one you will experience changes in yourself first and those around you. Things will not stay the same and you shouldn’t expect them to. You will find that your married or couple friends will stray a bit because a single person is seen as a threat. Some of your friends won’t be there for you and that is the moment where you can tell a true friend from fake a one.
Remember you will go through feelings of denial, anger, resentment, yearning, suffering, sadness and acceptance and this will not necessarily be in an order. And you should respect the process and not try to look strong even if you are breaking inside. Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling with no shame and holding back.
Share your emotion
Bottling things up is not good for the recovering process and mostly not for your health. You need to talk about your feelings and the impact they have on your everyday life. Once you open up, you will see that a burden will be lifted off your shoulders. Not being able to communicate your struggles to anyone will build up and eventually blow up. You can speak to your friend, anyone you are close to or a professional.
People grieve differently and you shouldn’t allow people tell you that you are not grieving correctly for your partner. The grieving period is not the same and can last longer and shorter for different people. This duration should be all about you and nobody else should be permitted to interfere with your chosen way of doing things to get through this hardship.
You will find that some people choose to keep to themselves and prefer to stay at home disconnecting to the world. They don’t want to be around people and the thought of doing things that they used to do before the loss will seem like a load.
Some don’t want to be alone; trying not to think about what had happened. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that you develop interest in going out to social events. Society might think it is a shameful act but if being around people helps you cope then you should not shy away from doing it.
Honour your partner
You will want to do something that will be in honour of your partner. It can literally be anything that will be used as a gesture of paying your last respect. People have certain rituals that don’t last long –it could be playing a certain song at a specific time to let yourself remember the good times you both spent together. Getting read of mental obstacles which prevent you from moving on can lie in embracing the moment; you can also go on a trip with people he was close to and just spend time reminiscing over good times.
Find a new hobby
Hours will feel like days so you will need healthy destructions; find a hobby and commit to it. It could be painting, going to dance classes or cooking lessons, anything that you will enjoy doing and help relieve stress. You may choose to volunteer your time to charitable organisations or just take advantage of baby-sitting your nieces and nephews, because children have a thing to cheer anyone.