Being a Stepmom comes with a wide variety of challenges. Sometimes you step into a relationship fully knowing what the situation might be, but sometimes the issues that comes with blended families only become apparent after a few months or years of being in that relationship.
As a woman being a stepmom to your husband’s kids from a previous relationship comes with challenges. You will not only have to deal with the children from the relationship, but you will share responsibility, most often take over the roll of their mother when they are staying over or living with you, you will help them with homework, prepare food, take them on outings etc. Point is, if they are still young you will form a bond with them that will and can be just as strong as if they were your own.
The challenge normally comes in with either dealing with being a new stepmom if the children are already teenagers. You might get blamed or treated as the enemy for their parents failed relationship, which is all points and issues that can be addressed and sorted out I would like to believe.
However the biggest point of frustration will always be the ex-wife/biological mother of the kids. She will talk badly behind your back; the kids will be used as pawns to get what she wants. You will have to constantly endure arguments, feelings of frustration when you will get nothing but a blatant disregard of your feelings or effort from her side.
You will feel like the effort you do put in is never recognized or appreciated.
This is where you and your husband should be on the same page 100%. Communication between the two of you in regards to how to deal with the ex, what is acceptable with the kids and how things are done when they are concerned needs to be solid.
10 Tips On How To Be A Great Stepmom:
1: You and your husband/partner should move, speak and act like one when it concerns her or the children.
2: Communication should be limited to schedules/ matters concerning the children and emergency’s between the two households ONLY.
3: If there is any animosity, frustration or a constant negative vibe from her, best to just ignore and not retaliate. We all want to defend, explain or retaliate in certain situations, but this one is not worth it. She is not going anywhere.
4: There should be clear boundaries with everybody. The children should know that they need to respect you for your role in their lives. Your husband should also enforce this by his everyday actions.
5: Do not discuss any issues that you might have about his ex in front of the children. EVER!
6: If you have children of your own, be careful not to make your step children feel like your child is your favorite. There should be no difference in treatment, in affection, gifts, discipline or rules between biological and step kids.
7: Know your place: Remember that the issues you are experiencing is their issues. You were not there when the children were made. So keep out of the fights, the frustration as much as possible. Try to not take things personally and try to keep your own frustrations at bay.
8: Do not let the issues with her have a negative effect on your relationship. Talk about issues/frustrations or decisions and come to a mutual agreement.
9: Always show love and acceptance to your step children, be fierce but fair with your interactions and discipline. Don’t let them get away with bad behaviour just because you are afraid to “rock the boat” or have them dislike you.
10: Don’t make the ex your best friend, but try to be on a friendly level with her at least. This will make the future easy for everybody involved.
Blended families can be great for every individual in that family. If managed correctly your family can be a support system for the children, where they find acceptance, love and above all the examples of how to overcome situations that might be in any other case be a stumbling block toward their future. At the end of the day, children are very sensitive for the situation they are finding themselves in. To be surrounded by negativity, fighting and constant unhappiness where their parents is concerned or constantly hearing negative things from the one parent towards the other will only have a huge effect on them as they grow up.
You are finding yourself in a situation, deal with it like an adult, keep the boundaries tight, protect your family and eventually the drama will have to stop.
This article is dedicated to all the Biological moms and the stepmoms who have found a way to get along, making the best of the situation and dealing with each other with respect and kindness. Your children will thank you for it one day.